Sometimes

You can think and think about something but there will be no answer.  Then you can just follow your heart.  My heart is telling me something very strong.  My brain will have to figure out if she buys in to it.

I went to Taipei again this past week. I needed a breather from packing and paperwork in China. I needed a break from my relocation.  There is just so many things to do, I can't even begin to list it.  So many things to track, as well. It's really overwhelming to do it all yourself.  My mom wanted to know if I needed her help. But since I'm so busy, I think I should do it myself since I won't be able to talk to her or see her much with all the running around that is required.

My new life is about to begin.  It's terrifying, and it's exciting at the same time. I've been away for so long.  I hope I can take all the changes.

Love

If there was one thing I wish there was a course on, it would be "Love."  I've always wondered as a kid why so many people sing songs about it.  My mom told me because it was such a mysterious force, and since no one could actually figure it out, they sang songs about it.  And because people relate to all the various love songs, it's the most widely sung about topic.

Well, it's also such a painful topic.  And a painful experience.  Even when I was a kid I thought Love was so amazing, so romantic.  I never knew about how hard it was loving someone, or learning how to love someone. I always thought things are supposed to naturally fall into place... like when Ariel the littler mermaid loved a human Prince she got human legs.  Simple, right?

But still she had to compromise her entire life for a human.  I never noticed that, I just felt, well, she loved him, he loved her, she became a human, they're together! Love is romantic!

Unfortunately, falling in love and being in love is so....so.... hard.  It's harder than my job, and my job is already super hard.....  It's because there isn't a right way to love anyone.  There isn't a formula, and it varies for each relationship. And it's always a compromise between 2 people.  Two different people born in different parts of the world and raised with different backgrounds meet one day and fall deeply in love.  And that is romantic! Except it doesn't end there... two people learn that they don't like the same foods, they don't listen to the same music, don't have the same friends, but yet they love each other.  Then it's learning to compromise and accept each other, and enjoy all their flaws and awesome qualities at the same time.

Another thing I never knew was that in order to love someone long term, that person also has to be your companion, your best friend.  I saw something this weekend in a friend's photo album that said, "I didn't marry my lover, I married my best friend."  If only I knew that as a kid I wouldn't have spent so many years trying to figure out what love was.  I think understanding love as a pre-teen and as a teenager is so warped -- you watch the cartoons and movies and the princesses are always damsels in distress and get saved by knights in shining white armor.  Then this day and age all the women save them selves and kick all the men in the balls... which is it?!  And love in all those movies never showed how the couple accepted each others flaws... it just mostly focused on passion and infatuation.  But that's just the beginning. For it to grow into a deeper love... they need to be able to talk to you about anything, listen to anything you have to say, understand why you say the things to you, start enjoying activities together, start becoming best friends, because how awesome would it be to have a lover who is also your best friend?  That's so much fun...!

Well, for either extreme... what makes sense out of everything is that line.... "I didn't marry my lover, I married my best friend."  Wish I knew that in high school -- Cinderella and her Prince just met each other once and fell in love... I bet she didn't know he picks his nose and leaves all the lights on, and doesn't like washing the dishes.....

Love is so painful and beautiful at the same time.  I'm so sad yet hopeful.  I just hope I can take it, and withstand all of this.  My heart has got a ton of bandages and tape over it, it's more fragile and it bursts a bit easier than other ones....

Tai Chi is good for the soul

I've been taking Tai Chi on and off for a few months, only because I feel like I need to calm down my Chi and get it to circulate better.  Some people don't believe Chinese Wushu has anything to do with Chi, but I think it does.  To get a better peace of mind, I decided to look into Tai Chi sword. 

Usually I take Long Fist or Straight Sword during my classes, but I saw a Tai Chi sword class and it didn't look bad. And since I've taken Wushu for several years, I was looking at the Sifu and he definitely knows his stuff.  So I ventured in there today and w00t! I really loved it! Not only that, but he was pretty happy to get a student who knows Wushu, so he sped up some of the forms and also taught me Tai Chi Fan.  I love Tai Chi Fan.  It's faster than Tai Chi Sword or Fist, and it has some of the powerful Wushu moves in there.  Loves it.  I'm hoping that taking these classes will help me in my main Wushu class. I've been working hard on getting back some more flexibility.

I think I'll be going back.

The funny thing is the Sifu said, "I could tell when you walked in that you have studied Wushu before.  I can always tell who has been trained and who is completely new." 

Yay!!!!!  That motivates me to keep working harder on being healthy and focusing my energy and concentration. I have so much stress lately that I need to focus all of that energy somewhere, so that I can remove it from my daily life.... or at least let it out all at once. Stress is toxic, you know.  There is one Chinese girl in there that's pretty good, but it's because she memorized the entire 40 moves.  I'll memorize it over time and I'm hoping with my background I can get my techniques better because they look like they're going through movements. I want to look like I'm really doing Tai Chi Kung Fu, not just going through the poses. Otherwise, all my years of practicing would have gone to waste.

Time for vacation

Oh jeez. My mind... is sooooo filled to the brim..... with everyday crap.... that I'm so... so... so... exhausted.  Sometimes I have no idea what my job is.  I do so many random things.  I feel like I do a bit of everything, but don't do anything.  It's crazy.

I think because of the constant switching between tasks, my brain gets tired a lot.  It's like..oh.. where are we with this?  Where are we with that? What, there's a problem here? Why isn't it fixed? Because we're waiting for THAT? Why didn't anyone bring that up earlier?

Communication is soooooo shitty.

There's not enough people to do things. 

I really can't wait for my vacation. I just need to take care of myself. Sleep in, do nothing, focus on getting some new clothes, maybe change my hair a bit, take care of my skin.... we're getting old. It's not going to stay this way forever! 

Can't wait to turn on my OOO message in about 12 minutes.  Time for me to go incognito.... muahahaha.  I'm going to be traveling, so I'll get about 15-16 hours of peace.  Thank you, Buddha！

Fake people and spoiled kids

My masseuse told me today about her spoiled son.  She works hard everyday and is exhausted each night and even though she lives alone in Shanghai she prefers the solace versus her family life back in Chengdu.

Good masseuse only make about 3000rmb a month.  They get a % off the fee a customer pays when that customer specifically asks for them.  So she would get roughly 10rmb for every 100rmb her customer spent.  This is why they try to sell you 1.5 hour to 2 hour packages, etc, because they get a larger % of what you spend.

Anyway, so she's alone in Shanghai and her husband, their son, and her parents are all living in an apartment in Sichuan.  Her husband doesn't work. Occasionally he'll drive around as a taxi.  Her son is 16 and wants her to buy him name brands.  When she went back 2 weeks ago, she brought him a jacket and shoes that she bought for him.  But he said they weren't good enough because the brand wasn't high class.  So he asked her where she bought it, and she named a street off Shanghai.  And he asked her how much was it, and she said 200rmb.  Then he asked her for the receipt because he wanted proof she went there and bought it.

What a little spoiled brat. I would have slapped that little fugger straight across the face.  With my broom.  I don't like kids very much.  Correction: I don't like undisciplined kids.

But how is she supposed to discipline him anyways? She lives in Shanghai.  Her husband is a slacker.  Her father is old and sick.  The little money she makes she spends on them, and her father's hospital bills are costly.  She went back for 2 weeks and spent over 10,000rmb. That's about 6 months worth of savings.  This is why she prefers to stay in Shanghai and hates going back to Sichuan.

Her bike broke a few months ago so I gave her mine for free. I'm glad I helped her out.  Maybe that's why shes such a good masseuse to me. :)

My next thought today focuses on fake people.  I'm not too good at being fake.  Maybe that's why I offend people. But I don't care.  I'm not going to tell you your kids are good looking when they're not. I won't tell your kids they're ugly to their faces because I don't want to be the catalyst for their future coloumbine endeavors.  So I would rather just not say anything if you showed me a picture of your kids asking if they're cute.  Apparently to most parents, it means you think they're ugly. Which I do. But I didn't say anything.

Anyway what am I talking about.

So yeah, I know a lot of people who don't really care about you but they act like you're the most important thing in the world. Do people not see through that?  I met some girl before and talked to her for about 5 seconds.  A few weeks later I saw her again and she acted like she missed me soooooo much.  No she didn't.  She doesn't even know what I do for a living or what my last name is.  I can't stand that.

I can't tell you anything that I don't believe in. So if your hair is ugly I'm not going to say it looks good.  If I like you and I know you well I might not be so blunt about it.  Instead of, "Yeah.. its pretty ugly," I might say, "Well, I've seen you look a lot better."  Not much difference but at least one has less of an edge.

So when I see people that are too eager to see other people I start wondering if its for real or not. And when the other person really likes it I wonder why they can't see through the fakeness. Really fake people make me uncomfortable, especially because I don't really talk to people unless I feel we have something in common.  I'm not one to make small talk so I don't get it. Usually geeks are easy to talk to because I know we have some sort of video game we like. Or some kind of geek movie.  But with non-geeks.... I dunno. Maybe I'm just an antisocial dork.

Meh.

Piles and Piles of....

excel sheets! I guess since they're digital you can't really get stuck underneath them but I sure as hell feel like I am.  Sometimes I find myself updating the same status over and over to the same group of people in different emails.  Why not just read the other one? Or... why do you need an update...EVERYDAY?  I think every 2-3 days is good enough, maybe 2x a week.... why? why? why?

There are too many meetings.  Meetings that I sit there and start looking at my nails, wondering if I should wake up early for the rest of the week and go to the gym, or wondering if I should go get a massage after work.  When the meetings make your mind wander --- its an inefficient meeting.

People in Asia just looooooove to discuss. Discuss discuss discuss. DURING meetings. Look. The meeting is for a decision to be made. Not a discussion about the decision that hasn't been made.  The discussion part happens BEFORE the decision part, so that a decision CAN be pulled out of that mass of random digression.

So.  I know Americans in Asian meetings go crazy because nothing is ever done.  All the discussion happens, people are afraid to make a decision, and the decision is made somewhere later in a smaller meeting or on a smaller email chain with actual power to make a decision.  So why even bother to have a meeting for 2 hours (supposed to be 1 hour) discussing stuff you probably will not make a decision on....?

This happens in Asia, all the time.  Asians just loooove to not take responsibility for any action, or not step on anyones toes if they make a decision (Japan).  Man. Meetings in Asia suck.

I miss meetings in the US. Short, sweet, to the point, and done when the 30 minutes are up.

ugh.

Today all my coworker and I did was chat on MSN during the meeting. We had no idea what it was about after they stopped speaking in English.  I could understand all of it but I'm not going to listen since its a bunch of digressions and philosophy.  Also, most of the important decisions are made in English. So.  If its being discussed not in English, chances are there is no one important enough there to make a decision. :P

It's only Monday....

Usually Mondays are like a free holiday for me. Well, not all the time. But usually I do schedule my doctors appointments or annoying errands on Monday, knowing that I would have more time to handle them.  Well those precious days are over! Mondays are now as stressful as my every other stressful day!!

I don't think I would mind stressful days so much if I didn't feel like I was always ninja'ed that I have to handle a new project... or, if I could just get some definite answers in the beginning of the project, or maybe some pointers at the best way to handle it -- I don't think I would be so stressed out.  I really hate doing anything wrong.  I hate it. I always have to be right, I always have to do everything to the best of my ability -- so when I don't have enough information to do that I feel stressed out.

Unlike the events I plan myself where I can go and demand answers from everyone and anyone I feel like, I unfortunately can't do that in certain situations so I don't know what to do.  And I HATE not having the answers. 

Ah well...

Bohemia

That's basically where I am.  And I like the music here.  I think I'll come back and visit.

There's a coffee shop here with GREAT coffee that I used to frequent a lot.  It's called DANs. 
However, as business picked up, so dropped its quality. The coffee is still great, but the service isn't as quick as it used to be, and the servers attitude has become defiant, probably because they no longer need to beg for business since they're always full.

If I ever open my own business, I will never be a bitch to my customers.  Only the ones that deserve it. :P
Don't worry, I'm not an entrepreneur, I hate customers and they're always wrong because I'm always right. If I want to serve you slop you eat it, bitch.  I'm the boss of you.

Anyhoo.

I came here to do some work but of course ended up procrastinating.  At least we switched to a less busy cafe.  D came and ate dinner with me, then left for a client dinner so now I'm all by myself, watching people walk by.  I really like this place -- minus the 5 billion tourists. I know it's not their fault that they're so fucking n00by but fuck stop being such a fucking n00b!! I say in my head.

It's funny that the waitresses in front of me are talking about ChinaJoy. That was months ago.

I love people watching.  Japanese people to my right, talking about whether or not they like their lives in Shanghai. Some dude across from me reading a book -- careful dude, the lighting is so dim you're going to go blind.  Some customer annoyed the place only takes cash -- "Where's the ATM??!" 

I saw a friend today.  He was with a girl, and just passed by and we said hi.  He said, "I haven't been around, been traveling and getting the hell out of here." "Oh? What's the matter?" we said.

"This place sucks. I'm going to move. It's the same group of guys. Getting into fights with also the same groups of guys. Sometimes new guys come, and they get into fights with them too. So fucking stupid.  I'm tired of this small ass group, these people."

"How long have you been in living here now?"
"Almost 2 years."

Ahh.... that explains everything. The 2 year crisis, where you realize that living here sucks when you can't find a group of close friends.  Close friends are hard to find here. People are fake and stupid, stuck in their own little bubbles, insignificant lives.... when you're tired of clubbing, partying, hoes, sluts, drinking.... and you look for deeper meaning and fulfillment.... its hard to find here. People are shallow. It's Vegas with even less rules. Money goes a lot farther here. You can imagine what life is like, how much debauchery there is, Welcome to Never Never Land....

But congrats to him though.  He recognizes what it is... people tend to grow cynical when they realize what is really happening around them. Bravo for him for realizing how shallow the ties here are.  I hope he finds some better friends too. Some more intellectual people who he can find common ground with. Because I see so many people here stuck as if its still the first 6 months of their adventure here.  As if they're still in high school.  Drinking everyday. Fighting everyday. And for what? KTV hoes.  So sad. I wonder when they'll realize how big the void is in their hearts that they're really trying to fill with all this partying, hoeing around, and drinking.

Okay, so I'm a slacker

When I moved here in 2003, I thought I was only going to be here a month. It's been almost a decade.

I used to have a blog that I updated at least 1x a day. When it broke it got deleted from the internetz and I never bothered to blog again. Also, back then, blogging wasn't as mainstream. There was no blogger, no livejournal, I don't even know if myspace was popular yet, though I remember Friendster did exist. Either way, I stopped blogging when my previous space in the internet abandoned me.

Since I won't be living here forever, I think I'm going to start blogging like I used to again. I think what happened was that, over the years, I did start to blog again, however because everyone and their mothers started to be more proficient with the internet, and myspace and facebook blew up, it was hard to really keep blogging since a lot of the stuff I wanted to write offended a lot of people. It's been almost 10 years since I really kept a blog. So, since I'm going to start again, here's a Fuck You to all of you that may get offended one way or another. :)

It's so confusing to be a woman

Previously, we were supposed to work hard so we can get into the top positions coveted by men, and usually given to men. Now we're not?  Why are women so confusing?

Why I envy Generation Me who choose love over career - and children above status

The Case for Women Who "Opt Out" of Careers for Families

Women are happy without men


Which is it??? Seriously! Make up your damn minds.

Fix your Shizz. Nao.

It's been a long time since I've ranted. But I have a good reason to rant today.

Trying to watch movies here is really a hassle.

It’s just so damn annoying to ask them to get one little detail right.

So I’ve been wanting to watch Inception for MONTHs. I had heard so many good things about it, but I haven’t had time to watch it, and it also took months to even get here. Additionally, finally, it was uncensored (because how can you censor something you can’t understand, lol silly rabbits).

So I finally convince a girlfriend of mine to go watch the movie before it goes out of the theatres.  And we get there, pay our money, and sit down.

When the movie starts, the bass is so loud, the audio is unintelligible.  I had to resort to reading the subtitles to try and understand what was going on, and within 10 minutes, I was getting more and more pissed off.   What I had heard was that you need to watch every minute of movie or just end up being confused throughout the rest of it. 10 minutes in I had no idea what was going on and so I figured, okay, I’m going to do something about this. This is not okay. They are not getting away with this.  And so, here is what happened, and how effing STOOPID these people are.

Me: Why is the audio so low?

Staff: The audio isn’t low.

Me: Yes, it is. Go listen to it yourself.

Staff: Let me get the manager.

Manager: This is how the audio is intended.

Me: Are you kidding?

Manager: No, this is how we got the film.

Me: You got the film with the audio NOT working?

Manager: All of the movie theatres in this country got the same film.

Me: So all of the movie theatres in the country have their bass turned up in an attempt to make the audio audible?

Manager: ...this is how the film was intended.

Me: So basically you’re lying to my face right now.

Manager: I’m not lying. This is how the film is.

Me: In the entire country?

Manager: Yes, the entire country.

*explodes*

Me: Okay, let me tell you something, you half-wit, THIS is not how the audio is supposed to be. Are you telling me that all audio is supposed to be so low that you have to READ the subtitles to understand what they are saying? And are you telling me that you did not turn up the bass to ridiculous proportions to try and make up for the audio being low? Are you telling me that you purposely turned up the bass SO LOUD that the audience can hear the speakers CRACKING and shaking because its TOO LOUD, and you’re hoping no one is smart enough to notice? Are you telling me that you are UN-AWARE that one of the speakers in this theatre is broken, which is WHY you turned it up this loud, so that you don’t have to close one of the theatres for repair, so that you can STILL MAKE MONEY off of unsuspecting movie-goers? Tell me that is not your effing excuse, right now. TELL ME TO MY FACE, right now, you damned liar.

Manager: I’m not lying, no one else is complaining.

Me: BECAUSE THEY ARE STUPID. I’ll tell you something else.  Either you 1) refund my money or 2) fix the damned speaker.  And if you decide to refund MY money, you will have to refund everyone else’s money in the audience. Because you know what I’m going to do? I’m going to go right up to the front of the theatre, and I’m going to tell them that you are ripping them off of their money, because the theatre speakers are broken, and you are hoping they don’t notice so you can still sell tickets.  Then tomorrow, I’m going to write a review of your SHIT-TASTIC theatre, and post it everywhere on the internet, and also submitting it to magazines, about WHAT A RIP OFF your theatre is pulling, and I’m going to tell everyone to bring back their ticket stubs and get a FULL REFUND for your EFFING scam.  Got that? Now tell me, which option are you going to pick.

Manager: You can’t do that!

Me: Why not?

Manager: That’s over the line.

Me: Oh? So you ripping off my money, and everyone else’s money, ISN’T over the line?  You lying to us to make money, ISN’T stepping over the line?

Manager: You can’t write that review.

Me: Yeah? So I’ll tell you how you can get me not to write that review. I want you to go upstairs and FIX the DAMNED SPEAKER. Right this effing instant. Get your ass in that little box, and FIX. YOUR. SHIT.  The movie has been going on for 25 minutes now, and within the next 5 minutes, I want BOTH speakers working. I WANT IT TO BE HOW THE MOVIE WAS INTENDED.  And if you don’t fix it within 5 minutes, you better start looking for another job tomorrow.   Get the hell out of my face.

*I sit down, and in the next 5 minutes, the speakers crack a few times, and then wah-la! The audio is doubled, the speaker is fixed.*

Audience: Oh! The speaker was broken! That’s why the sound was so low!

That stupid fking monkey.

Resigned

Fighting hard for everything you want in your life takes a toll on your mental health. From as early as I can remember, I've fought for everything I've wanted, and I've worked hard for it. But now I'm tired.

I'm going to leave everything up to fate. Whatever it decides, it decides. I'm no longer going to try to change anything anymore. There is no point when obstacle after obstacle comes in your way, no matter how many nights you worked for it, hoped for it, done everything you can to procure it.... whatever will be, will be. I'm no longer going to fight for it. I'm going to detach myself from all this and just be silent. I'm just really tired of it all.

I'm going to accept whatever it throws at me, and just try to keep a glimmer of hope alive.

Stoofoo bitches, diaf

I love how people who aren't even a part of a situation stick in their 2 cents about it, as if they've been there the entire time, known about everything for years, watched everything from backstage, heard every single conversation that happened, and then stick in their expert advice.  Then they take the side of their friend, as if they know the whole story and understood both sides.  Stoofoo bitches, diaf. 

Perhaps the story they heard was exaggerated and told leaving out huge chunks of information?  I bet it doesn't matter since all they need to hear is one side of the story in the first place, anyway.  Doesn't really make me want to meet these people, and if I do ever meet these people, it will be very unpleasant.

Troubleshooting

I've been working on my laptop for 4 days. I've done everything I can to try and see what the problem is with my ethernet port.

Since Sunday, I have:

1) Run a System Restore (2x)
2) Uninstalled my drivers (2x)
3) Tried 3 different cables off 2 different modems with 2 different laptops
4) Rebooted the system BIOS
5) Run a system wide virus scan
6) Scanned the system boot screen
7) run sfc /SCANNOW in cmd
8) Reinstalled my OS

And nothing has worked.  After I had done up to step 7, it was clearly a motherboard problem and NOT an OS issue, since I still had my wireless working AND my drivers were all updated and working.  So obviously the ethernet port wasn't connecting with my cable and wasn't reading its existence.   The worst thing is, after I told the Alienware technician guy that it's a motherboard problem, he told me that he wouldn't send out a new motherboard UNTIL I had reinstalled the OS. SERIOUSLY? What part of a motherboard defect do you not understand??

Basically he was accusing me of wanting a new motherboard. 

What an asshole.

So just to play their stupid game, the OS was reinstalled today and of course the ethernet port still is dead.  Now what?  Give me my stupid motherboard, you cheapskates!

This is so beautiful

Ahhh.... emails and work on the left, Gaming in the middle, and chatting on the right..... while watching TV on top if you wished.  How beautiful is this setup?

I can't wait to move back to the States so I can start setting up my dream "workstation."    This is exactly the way I would set it up.  That table is also from Ikea... I've wanted to buy it several times but I never had room in the house to put it.  But once I get back to the US..... this will become a reality.

My Alienware laptop's ethernet port broke.  Which is all kinds of fking FAIL.  This means I can't connect to the internet through cable.  WTF dude.  I have to use wireless, in a place where the internet is already slow as hell? REALLY? Wireless??

Especially for a hardcore gamer.... stable, plugged in connectivity is crucial. It's like the air I breathe. There is nothing more fail than your character raising an arm to do that final finishing blow... and then you get "You have been disconnected." Fking fail, wireless!!!!!!   And then that Orc with 200hp left turns around and starts healing himself... WORSE YET... attacking you. And you, in all your epicly overgeared glory, stands helpless with one arm raised... running in place... while a fail noob Orc whittles your 30,000HP away..... fking fail, man.

This must be fixed!!! Damn you, ethernet port. Damn you, Alienware, for costing thousands of dollars and still having shitty quality!! Damn you, Dell, for buying Alienware and using your crap factories that manufacture crap Dells to also manufacture Alienware components, which now also makes it crap quality!! Damn you alllllll!!!!!!!!!!

I am in the process of getting this fixed. And when I am back.... hell hath no fury like a woman and her laptop scorned.

Wow that's kind of unfair

Who gets to have their cake and eat it too?

Certainly not I.

When you think of what women have to go through, unfair pay, getting pregnant (which ruins the body, causes 9 months of pain and possibly death), and having to work through glass ceilings in their career you think... wow it must suck to have to be born a woman.

And especially in long distance relationships, in the movies we always see women having to move to be near their men.  Or, their men either cheats on them, finds another woman, or they break up.  Why do men get to be so lucky? Why does there have to be a timeline?  A deadline for supposed true "love?"  When was the last time you actually heard that a man moved to be near his woman? Oh right... in Good Will Hunting, where he says, "Sorry. I have to go see about a girl."

Yeah, right, in another movie.

It's always the women who have to sacrifice everything for a man.  We quit our jobs, move countries, have no income, depend on the men, become depressed and emo and then the man finds another woman and tells us, "You're so depressing. You're just not right for me."  If it's supposed to be true love and you really love a person, shouldn't there be no timeline? No deadline?  You would be able to wait?  If you think about how some women move to Shanghai to be with their expat husbands, all they do everyday is stay at home with the kids.  They're unhappy, they can't find jobs, and they just watch as their husbands cheat on them because now they're stuck here and they've already made the decision to move to where their men are.  It's a horrible cycle.

What allows the men to benefit off this? What do the women benefit?  They get pregnant, their form is ruined, they have been out of a career for a year, when they apply for another job its "Why did you move here?" "To be with my husband."  How does that sound good to anyone?

WHY does there always have to be a deadline? If you love someone shouldn't you be able to wait for them? Why are men so selfish? Don't they realize that the woman has to give up everything she stands for?  Everything that she represents?  Why isn't anything ever enough?  They need to stop writing movie scripts like this.  It just pisses me off.

Wonderful

In addition to my previous 2 taxi driver stories, I have to say that today I met another taxi driver who took me to the airport.  I was thirsty so I asked him to stop at a convenience store so I could buy a drink.  And he said, "There's no need. I just bought one this morning. Unopened. Here you go."  And I said, "No no, it's okay, if I drink that, what are you going to drink?" And he goes "It's okay, you drink it."  And he insisted because my throat was hurting so I finally took it. WHAT a nice guy.  So I'm going to ask him to take me to the airport everytime I go to and from Taipei then. 

So now I'm waiting to head back to [place].  No matter how modern it looks it's still full of NICE MANNERED PEOPLE (*comment harmonized).  I will go back to staying at home and leaving the house as little as possible unless it's night time or to a specific place. I do 0 shopping there, I do 0 walking in the parks, I do absolutely nothing that forces me to be in a mass of people.  The only time I go out is at night time when everyone goes home.  That way, I avoid what I want to avoid.

I'm using the free internets at the Taipei airport.  Free internets ftw!  Not only in terms of cost, but in speech.  If it was a lifestyle choice I would move back here in an instant. Unfortunately, not everything is so easy and it's near impossible.  The wage compensation here is lower than poverty level in the states because of the small market.  A market that is always fluctuating near the red.  So that means I must come back here and consume more and support the local economy!  I always eat at mom and pop shops, I rarely ever go to restaurants in Taipei. There's just no need at all.

I had a nice long talk with my relatives this weekend.  About me being where I am, how I felt about it, and my future.  I have definitely missed my family. I think I should come back more often.  My aunt is getting sick and must go to the hospital everyday to get a health check. My uncle is also very old.... additionally, I wanted to see my grandma this weekend (which is mainly why I came back) but I couldn't because I got sick. With her fragile body it's probably not the best idea.

My friend made a very interesting comment this weekend. He also lives in LOVELY UNPOLLUTED PLACE (*comment harmonized).  He said that *someplace was the real *someplace.  Love how I harmonize everything?  I learned it from the media here. 

I hope there are no babies on the plane. At if there are, please have them shut up and be quiet. 

I love little boutique stores. I found a nice pair of [gifts] today for my <3.  I think it's hard to find elsewhere and there was only one.  So I bought it. I hope it fits. It's so adorable.

I want a cat.  I want Bob back.  Give me back Bob, you asshole.

I gained so much weight in Taipei. I ate everything.  Sigh. I would walk by something and smell it, and turn around and buy it. I would see a sign with a bowl of noodles and I would walk there and order something.  I ate all day, everyday.  I guess it's okay, because there is no food for me back in AWESOMELAND. (*comment harmonized)  I will just starve like I always do because I don't eat anything but salad and sandwiches, and I don't eat after 7pm.  So usually I just starve.  I think of it like a diet.

I went to the clinic today at the airport.  The doctor also lived in XXXXX for a bit. She told me that all the dieseases there are stronger so your immune system takes a beating.  She told me to exercise more and build up my health so I can fight against it.

I would love to retire in Taipei.

I want to go to Okinawa.

I want to go to the Shaolin Temple.

One thing I think is super awesome is Wuxia Novels.  How awesome are those.  I prefer them to fantasy and sci-fi novels.  I grew up watching and admiring Jet Li. I admire him more than JC.  Wuxia novels should be all translated. The reason why I came here is because I wanted to see all the places that the Wuxia novels talked about.  Wudan mountain, Shaolin Temple.... I need to go there... soon.

I still have a lot of time until I board.

I saw this article the other day about how Little Emperors these days are the worst, because not only do they get spoiled being the only child, but they grow up to expect everyone else to be the same.  They get all the money from the family, and they use family connections to get into jobs.  This is why I never hire people with families in the big cities.  People from the countryside work harder.  It's a fact.  Everyone knows this.  Granted, there are a few from the big cities from meager backgrounds who work just as hard. But if you were to interview 10 people, the ones from small cities will work harder for you.

I was at another computer where some guy before me changed the browser language to THAI.  Then they left their login name on the facebook "name" field and when I clicked "password" it showed the password.  What an idiot. I was seriously contemplating logging in and posting all kinds of crap on their facebook to teach them a lesson. But I let my conscience talk me out of it.  He'll learn his lesson someday from his carelessness, and I don't want that on my karma.

I recruited 2 more friends to play WoW.  I'm so damn good at this.

Hey look, my runny nose and throat pain is gone. Man I love Taiwan.  2 pills and I am no longer suffering. 

You have to wonder why people think everyone likes babies.  I don't like your baby. I don't think it's cute.  Don't show me pictures of your stupid baby. I don't care.  All they do is cry and poo and shit.  Take it away.
I don't like your baby unless I like you.  So the woman sitting next to me on the plane learned this the hard way.  Her baby was crying and making a fuss and she kept cooing to it even when it was quiet.  Nobody wants to hear your cheesy baby talk. Shutup.  I asked the stewardess to change my seat because it was loud and annoying.  The baby woman got the point and swtiched seats with her husband. Yeah, that's right. Take your annoying baby and go away.  If I ever have a baby I'm not going to fly until he's old enough to understand "Shutup now."

I left a tip for my room service maid lady who kept cleaning my hotel room.  I left 100NT worth of coins in a happy face and wrote her a thank you note.  I think people who do hard labor like that (well, not hard labor but shes older and I'm sure she has a family) should get reminded that we appreciate their services.  Just like the older taxi drivers.  They are trying to make a living. I'm sure they have daughters or granddaughters.  I just want to support them.

I went to find my favorite potsticker place behind California but the couple weren't there again. I hope nothing happened to them. I really love their potstickers.

I'm so full.  I ate too much.  But beware, tummy!! Days of hunger loom ahead!!  Enjoy digesting clean food while you can.

What's up with French people and FeiYue shoes?  Stop buying 1000s of them when you come to GREATEST PLACE ON EARTH. *harmonized

You're making the prices skyrocket and they really aren't worth that much.  Silly french people.  I like those shoes at 20rmb, thank you very much. Now that you buy hundreds of them and sell them for $$$ back in Paris the price already went up to 30rmb.  It's only a matter of time until they're 100rmb each for locally made shoes at the overhead cost of 5rmb.  And no, the workers and laborers do not see the money, it goes to the rich owners.  So stop it and go buy your crappy Louis Vuitton.


Kthxbai.

I'm Sick

The last two days I've been running on about 4-5 hours of sleep each night.  And I haven't been sleeping well. I was wondering when I would get sick... and it seems... NOW!!

What a horrible time to get sick, right when I'm about to travel!

Pesticides!

Living here for so many years has gotten me pretty paranoid about the food I consume.  I don't go eat in holes in the wall, I don't eat at cheap crappy looking restaurants, I don't eat super greasy or oily food.  In the past year, my diet has been limited to mostly salad and vegetables, and some chicken. In fact, I order the same chicken salad from the same expat owned place.  That's been my diet for the past year.   It's not because I don't want to eat other things, it's just that I really don't trust where the food is coming from.

Of course, it's not as if I'm *that* much safer eating at expat restaurants, since they most likely have similar suppliers.  I'm just hoping that there is more moral dignity with the American owned restaurants that they are more stringent with their food quality checks and preparation.  Some of the restaurants I go to are also owned by friends who care about this so at least I feel safer. 

I can't wait to move home and not have to worry about this. Someday I plan to have kids and I want my body to be HEALTHY!!

When are these people going to stop caring about profit and be a little bit more responsible?  And when are laws and punishment actually going to be enforced to deter people from being overly greedy?  Sure it may not work all the time but at least it will prevent more farmers and corporations from exploiting the consumers.

Huh...?

I have tried so hard.  And it doesn't seem like it's enough. What does it take to be understood?  Of course I want things to be simple and happy.  But life isn't that easy.  I take it in stride, I make the best of what I have, and I keep positive thoughts that it's just a matter of time, and if I can pull through it then it will all be waiting for me when things come together.  When I decide on something or put my mind to it, I work towards it like there's no tomorrow. I don't go back and doubt if its the right path, if it's going to work out, if it's too hard. I just do it. 

I've always thought that if you wanted something, if you loved someone, you would just do it for that person.  But I never thought of what happens when you're the only one that doesn't have doubts.  Maybe it's just easier for me.  Even when I was little, when I decided on something and made that as a goal, I reached it, sooner or later, because I'm not a person to give up.   It doesn't help when the other person is judgmental and doubtful.  I try to keep my dreams alive with hope, and also with reality.  But because I believe in something, reality isn't something that destroys what I'm hoping for. 

I just want us both to stand on the same side and fight for the same thing.  It's hard for me to do this alone, and it's hard for me to do it when I feel I'm always misunderstood.