No more gym

I had been hoping to go to the gym every morning this week, but I don't think I can do it anymore.  It's unfortunate, since I had paid so much money for it.  Almost $1000usd for the gym that I had only gone to for 1.5months or so.  Now that I'm suffering from insomnia, I don't think I can have enough energy to work out for 2 hours in the morning everyday and still go to work.  

I've learned so much just in a few hours.  I don't think women and men can ever be truly equal.  Silly me for thinking that inequality was only something that diseased Asian men. Silly me, for believing ....

I think I might disappear for awhile, be off facebook, blogs, buzz. 

Sayonara.

強くない。

私の心はやっぱり思ってより強くない。
やっぱり痛すぎて、痛すぎて、もう今のは最後の力。

部屋は寒い。。。エアコンも強すぎて。。。全部は強すぎて、彼のひどい言葉と同じ。
でも彼が言いた言葉はエアコンより寒いと感じてる。

もしエアコンは寒すぎて私は風引いて死んだらどうする？せめてこの苦しみは終われるでしょ。

何、私はなんでこの変な事考えてるの？　私らしくない。

これは愛、かな。。。

痛い。

心が痛くて、眠れない。
私を愛してる人は私の事を信じてくれない。


何で？　私は悪いもの何もしてないのに。

付き合った時、私はがんばって良い彼女になりたいと思った。
メールでも、電話でも、SMSでも、彼が望んだ事私できれば全部あげました。

でも何で？

何で私は悪いこと何もやってないのに私のせいにするの？

強くなれ。　我慢して。　

彼は分かってくれる。　話せば分かってくれる。　絶対に。。。


彼が怒る時私の心は痛い。　眠れない。　食べれない。　仕事できない。


何時までこの苦しみが残るの。。。。

私は本当に強い何の？　自分には嘘つけてるかも知れない。

でも彼のこと本当に愛してるから。。。

私は強い人でわない。　力がないまで頑張る。。。怖いのは。。。最近もっともっと疲れてる。

I don't understand

Why do people ask you for the truth if they can't handle it?  Is the best thing to do to lie to them to their face then?  I don't want to lie. I just want to answer your question.  But can you handle the answer?

If you ask the question, you should be able to.  When I asked the questions and I heard the truth, I braced myself for it.  I was upset, I was hurt, I was disappointed, but I asked for the answers and I got them. And I embraced it, because I know the truth now, and I'm okay with it.

I don't know how to handle it if I tell the truth but it hurts the person asking it.  I just wanted to be honest.
How come I can't ever be right?  It's either lie or speak honestly.  Shouldn't speaking honestly be rewarded?

I really don't understand at all.  

All I know is right now I'm so confused as to whether or not I did the right thing. I always thought that speaking the truth was the correct thing to do.

Falling off the diet wagon?

You'll get back on it after you watch this.



And every time you feel like eating, just watch this again.

Stoofoo bitches, diaf

I love how people who aren't even a part of a situation stick in their 2 cents about it, as if they've been there the entire time, known about everything for years, watched everything from backstage, heard every single conversation that happened, and then stick in their expert advice.  Then they take the side of their friend, as if they know the whole story and understood both sides.  Stoofoo bitches, diaf. 

Perhaps the story they heard was exaggerated and told leaving out huge chunks of information?  I bet it doesn't matter since all they need to hear is one side of the story in the first place, anyway.  Doesn't really make me want to meet these people, and if I do ever meet these people, it will be very unpleasant.

Streetfighter Facebook FTW