What do you want?

I need to do some soul searching. I feel like in China, I have to do this every few years to make sure I'm going down the track that I want to go down.  Why is everything so distracting, in China? I don't think it's really China. I think it's just Shanghai.  There are beautiful places all over China where you can just sit down, enjoy the fresh air, and enjoy the beauty that nature offers you.  But in Shanghai, you can't. So most people start looking for distractions to keep them from thinking about the inevitable.  It's a way to escape.  I think people do this in any highly populated city that has very little nature.  New York, probably, as well.  But Shanghai has very, very little nature.  It might even be seen as oppressive.

So I think I need a refreshing look on my life, I think I need to head out somewhere and explore what I really want.  I want to come back feeling like I still have a goal, like I've been reborn.

Yunnan, Shangrila, Chengdu, Xian, Terracotta Warriors, even the fake Shaolin Temple... I want to see everything.  I want to finish what I initially came to China for, what I have been wanting to do and see since I was a kid.  I want to see the greatness that I believe is China. I want to leave all the turmoil behind, I want to leave all the uncertainty at it's origin and be free from all its drama.

Cold and Patient

I'm trying to be patient.  I am by nature, very impatient and very eager to know the result of anything, and I like to get things done. That's why when things don't fall under my control, I get antsy, anxious, and nervous.  I think it takes a toll on my health. 

Note to self: Stop giving a shit.


I think that's a good mantra for me to have, and to practice.  There are so many things to take care of everyday, you can only do so much... and when things aren't under your control .... maybe it's good to just stop caring.  Find another way around it. 

I like to plan everything.  I need to try to accept that not everything can fall under my timelines.  Unfortunately, this works best when other people have the same mentality. But most don't, which is why it's such a hard mantra to practice.


Patience, Acceptance, Go with the flow.