Friday, February 19, 2010

Oh noes... time to go back getting up early?!

So I've been in the US for a good 2 weeks.  Add in January, and in 2010, I've been in the US for almost two months.  That's pretty good considering 2010 just started.

Being in the US makes me happy.  Excluding the obvious, that everyone I care about is here, I love it because there's a sense of unity and a sense of peace.  Sure, the economy is crap.  Sure, housing prices are so high most people can't afford it...but besides all that, you have your basic necessities taken care of.

1) Clean Air
2) Clean Water
3) Clean Cities
4) Considerations and civility between strangers (most of the time).

7 years ago when I went to XX to live and work, it was exciting. It was new, it was developing, and there was a sense of adventure.  But as you age, all those "benefits" that you enjoyed in XX is really just a fantasy.

The truth is, there really isn't anything great about it anymore.  Why? Because there is no need for expats anymore. The pay is lower, the pollution is horrible, the people don't care about anyone but themselves, and you will never get any benefits for living there (unless you embezzle money or goods, or use slave labor for your manufacturing plant).  So... what is the point anymore?

There are definitely things I love about it -- such as cheap massages and my maids, but besides that, there really isn't anything appealing.  I do love the history, however.  The problem with that is, everything I love is old and ancient.  Ancient culture.  Unfortunately, those are the aspects not being kept or made a priority on the preservation list.  Therefore, when I want to visit old temples and ancient pagodas, they are defiled by tourism, and not even international tourism, domestic tourism that paints a cheap and shoddy image over what was once historical and grand.  The cheap paint covering the carved wood stands next to dirty looking stands of "souvenirs" and other ghastly tacky memorabilia.

I used to love traveling around until each temple I saw no longer had the beauty of 1000 years ago. It's not even that its discolored.... that is fine. It's just the cheap marketing and the horrible "attractions" made to attract more tourism really destroys the atmosphere of the place.  Add that to several million tourists, disgusting bathrooms, and lines hundreds of people long -- there really isn't much pleasure going to those sites anymore.

And for someone like me, who loves art and culture, ancient texts and lore... there isn't any of that for me to see so tell me what is left?

Of course all the drinking, dancing, and clubbing was fun for the first 4 years. But if you still drink and party till 6am every weekend 10 years later... you seriously have a problem.  I see people like that all the time. They're in their mid-30s and partying up a storm, every weekend they're with a different hooker and buying bottles of goose.  But is that really where one wants to be when you only have around 40 more years to live?

Perhaps they're escaping from something, or that is the glass ceiling that they've hit. There is no way for them to be any more successful than they already are, so might as well go down burning with the ship.  Drink, be irresponsible, and party like there's no tomorrow, because for them, the rest of their tomorrows will forever be like their today.

I pity those that need to tell themselves lies to get by.  It's okay to hate your life and try to move on with it and do your best.  It's okay to tell yourself that the environment sucks and still do what you need to do everyday.  There's no need to lie to yourself and pretend you're in a great situation when you're not.  It just distorts your reality.  What's wrong with aknowledging the fact that things suck, but you're still working towards your goals?  I personally think that's healthier than telling yourself that everything is rosy, that "well its improved, it's better than it was 10 years ago," because that's a lie.  Sure, things are less crappy now than 10 years ago but it's still crappy.  The pollution has gotten better but you're still inhaling cancerous toxins. They're not going to go away just because one lies to themselves so its easier to accept.

I find it ludicrous that some can't just admit things suck... and still try forge on with their goals. Why is it either you tell yourself everything is great and you are "happy" or that you tell yourself how it really is, that things suck, but still be focused?  I suppose it means their "reality" will come crashing down.

Monday, February 8, 2010

2010

Hello, 2010.

I'm late in speaking to you but better late than never.

This year, I resolve to:

1) stop biting my nails
2) eat healthier
3) exercise more
4) read more books
5) love like i've never been hurt before

:)